Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Shark Week

Soooo keeping up with the topic of preparedness, I give you Shark Week. All the things that women don't really want to talk about, men don't want to think about, and will become a lot more embarrassing if you can't get the supplies that you need.

Exhibit A:

Congratulations. You made it. Feel free to giggle.

Lady sticks will obviously be a bit harder to come by during difficult times and Walgreen's (at the corner of happy and healthy) will most likely be ransacked or filled with drug addicted cannibals. So what's a girl to do during shark week? PREPARE. common theme here me thinks. There are some other alternatives to lady sticks and *quiver* ick ick ick "sanitary" nakkins. Some of which may be worse than the latter, but hey. You're going to be limited on what you will have access to.

Exhibit B: Reusable filth nakkins. Because that is what I really want to do. Sit all day thinking "oh god oh god oh god nononononononono". I guess that people in the olden days had to use these because really, it's all you had. But look! they come in all these fun colors, designs and prints! YES because i really want it to look like I've just started the great owl massacre of 2014. Plus side, it is reusable. Downside: yuck yuck yuck, and unless you have multiples, you're still screwed.

Exhibit C: The "Diva Cup" which I think would be the better option. There are other options beside this particular brand but doesn't it just sound so fancy! because when you want to stop leaks in the lady cave, I think "man I'm such a fancy diva ;)" Plus side, it is reusable, more sanitary, cleanable, and doesn't wear out. Downside, um well. you can't be skittish? you need small hands? Either way. It's a bit more discrete, unless you are a true diva, in which case the world really doesn't want to know about the goings on of your lady bits.

Exhibit D: Spon....wait. A fucking sponge? What is this? The Little Mermaid? well i guess being as this is shark week, although i would be tempted to hum under da sea 24/7. Plus side, All in all, reusable. Downside,  not as long lasting as the other previous alternative and it can only be so sanitary.... And lets face it. It's a sponge. All i would be able to think about is this.....

Or possibly Spongebob Square pants...but really "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh who lives in a lady cactus..." doesn't have the same ring to it....

There are a couple other alternatives as well, I've see stuff like this (hehehe happytooter) on this homemade website Etsy. They sell some pretty awesome homemade stuff. (other stuff. like non lady bits stuff) but really. If I want to learn how to crochet, this isn't going to be why....

Anyways. I'm pretty sure I've made most of you cringe, maybe cry a little, but really, you can only stock up on the disposables before you run out. Then what are you going to do? I mean there's know...babies. But really not the most practical way...Anyways, learn the ways to stock up for your hot pocket so no one else has to hear about it.

Vix out


  1. Necessary advice; entertaining, too! An aside: For preps, during Home Preparedness Assessments and classes, I advise the ladies to have a complete year's worth of whatever hygiene products they need per female in the house as a start.

    Nice post, Vix!

  2. Now that you have enlarged my vocabulary and made me laugh- Some of the above do seem like ick, but they will probably beat a wooly thyme leaf....just sayin'....

  3. MVD:

    I was checking if you had any new material, and I re-read this classic. I am dead serious when I say it reads likes PJ O'Rourke back when he was still funny and not just old.

    Too too funny.


  4. seriously, consider the dive cup/ menstrual cup. washable, leave it in and 'splooch and turn' it when you hit the toilet (wash hands before going!), take out when time is up, rinse and then leave in hydrogen peroxide for 24hrs. clean and ready to go again next month. lasts for years if not decade(s).